You Know You Are A Paramedic If… Part Two

These are added to what was done previously.

You know you are a Paramedic if...

…you want to invent the rectal V-vac for the "other BLS skills" code
…your idea of a good time is cracking a D-tank in the ear of your sleeping partner to "break up your shift a little"
…you reply to dispatch, "Roger, code 3 general mayonnaise" to see if anyone catches it
…eating in an ambulance IS a good clean practice
…you think bathing in 1 part bleach 10 parts water is just good hygiene
…you don't think there is anything private about asking someone if they take Viagra
…you wake up at the hospital and you aren't a patient
…you have a shower installed outside of your home for an "after work refreshment".
…you know the apartment where your patient is will be is "the last one on the right".
…you have mastered the part paramedic/part ventriloquist face when driving towards a scene with someone frantically waving you in- "Like I can't see you, you idiot-now move before I drive over both of your arms!"
…you are more worried about the patient's dog/pets than the patient.
…you think jamming that piece of pizza into the drink holder will keep it clean until you are done the call
…placing a sheet on the passenger sheet is a normal routine when taking family to the hospital in the ambulance-When asked what you are doing that for, you reply, "It is to protect you from us"
…you find yourself asking patients if they like the brand of antidepressant that they are taking to compare to your own
…you turn up your radio nice and loud screaming HA HA!! when you are beating the fire department to the call
…you sigh and say, "Oh, those buggers" when you hear, "Test page, test page only"
…you can admit that you have used the sharps holder for your coffee

And my personal favorite to date...

...you have ever farted in the truck to IMPROVE the smell.

New Links

So I decided today to add a few more links to my site; and screwed it up. The links are there and they work, but they seem to...be...miles...apart...from...each...other. Why? Because I did it, that's why. When computers are involved, no other explanation is required. I think in my attempt to delete Steve's blogsite (still sad to see it's gone by the way, always enjoyed his stuff) I think I deleted some others. Please don't take offence, I'm an idiot and hopefully all should be rectified soon.

Why do I think this? I have placed a call to the two people I know that can help me. My wife, and Pernell. Hopefully all should be fixed up in a day or two. In the mean time, allow me to explain my links.

Local Weather
I always check the weather before I go for work. Because really, I'm going to have to stand out in it for lengths of time so I want to know what to expect. Then I started to check it every day. It's a habit now, every morning I check my e-mail and the weather for the day. So if I do, then maybe others want to as well.

The Doctor Is In
This is a website that lists thousands of different medical topics. Medications, diseases, symtoms etc. Very useful tool. Bear in mind though it's an American site. Not all Canadian drugs are approved for the US.

Dictionary
Granted, I am no scholar of the English language, but it's intentional murder drives me crazy. As an example, the intentional replacement of an "es" with a "zed" drives me nuts. One or two words are ok if they are salient to the story or to make a point, but that's about all I can take. Why does this happen? I don't rightly know but I thought that if having an on-line dictionary close at hand helps me, it may help others.

Help of the Dog Owner
Just a site that has hundreds of different articles written by dog lovers for dog owners on just about any topic you can imagine. I gave this site to Abby and thought that I would share it with anyone else that might be interested.

So that's it. Hopefully soon the site will look normal again.

Until then, please have patience.

"Birthday greetings, bottle of wine....."

So I called my mother today. For no reason than I haven't really spoken with her in awhile and I haven't seen her since before easter. Incidentally, do you know what you call a rabbit soaked iun lighter fluid? The Ether Bunny.

So I called mom just to chat and to talk a little about monday. For those who don't know my mom, it's her birthday on monday. In our family, on birthdays, we usually just come together to have dinner together and the birthday celebrant gets to decide the meal. As it's mom's birthday and she usually does the cooking, we'll be ordering in. Likely Swiss Chalet. That's the usual fall back dinner. When you can't make up your mind, get Swiss Chalet, everybody (in my family) likes Swiss Chalet. Can't go wrong really.

Now my mom is a real special lady. Diminutive though she may be (she is taller than Jaci though, but not by much) she carries with her an aura of.....well really it's fear. Ask anyone that knows my mom and they will all say the same thing, "Wonderful lady, but I'm not going to cross her!" I don't really know why. I've never seen her REALLY angry. Which is odd, considering the stunts I've pulled in my day.

Jaci and I even had this conversation shortly after we got engaged. I said very plainly "Jac, I love you more than life itself and if you get into an argument with anyone in the family I will stand with you all the way. If you get my mother mad I'll be in the car."

So hats off to the lady that sat through lord knows how many soccer games, choir concerts, band concerts, plays, school and cadet functions and many many other things. The woman who was there for me always from the time I was a wee lad will always hold a special place.

I hope your birthday will be great! Lots of love.

Rich

p.s. I still get to pick your nursing home.

I wear my sunglasses at night....

So in the news recently is how hydro is going up (on average) 10%. In a sad way I understand this because the province makes "x" amount of power and if consumers want to use more than that than hydro buys it elsewhere. And because Hydro is a business; and a lucrative one if the 1.5 million dollar salery of its CEO is any indication, it wants to make money. This I understand as well.

Now for my opinion, which as usual will likely get me into some hot water (which is heated by??). The jump in hydro is our own fault. Residential and commercial consumers as a whole do very little to keep hydro consumption down. I shall explain.

During winter months of course we need to heat our homes, but during your working hours how many actually turn their heat down? Not many do; but really, does it have to be a comfy 22 degrees when you aren't there or can the dogs and cats tolerate a little cillier 19 degrees? Doesn't seem like much, but it does add up.

What about air conditioning? Hydro One cites the massive use of air conditioners, central air and the like as the major factor in power shortages and some have cited air conditioning as a large factor in the blackout of '03. Do we need air conditioning running all the time in the warmer months? I know that I've never had it and there have been times I would have sold my soul for it but I'm still alive. Humans survived for thousands of years without air conditioning just fine.

That being said I hear loud and clear the argument that we have the technology, you have the money, chill away. Understood, just so long as you don't complain about paying more for hydro.

On the commercial side, in addition to commercial sized heating and air conditioning as above, many businesses leave lights on at night when no one is there. I drive downtown Hamilton for work and at four in the morning you don't need streetlights because of all the lights left on with many businesses.

I would definately be in favour of a city by-law restricting businesses from leaving lights on during off hours. We as tax payers pay for street lights, and are now paying added hydro costs.

Largely it's an individual issue. I have energy saving light bulbs which cost a little more to buy, but use ALOT less energy and last 100 times as long as a regular bulb. I have already recouped the costs for the bulbs themselves.

I think if everyone made a conscious effort to use a little less power, we would all save money in the end.

As with all things, it's a personal choice. I've made mine.

Circling part two.

I've had some comments on my previous blog (some posted, some not) that made me want to take another shot to see if I can get my point across because I'm really not unsympathetic and I'm really not uninformed. At least if we assume the publications where I get my information are in any way accurate.

So let me start with the history.

Land was granted to Joseph Brant for his help in the American Revolution (he sided with the British) in what became known as the Haldimand Proclamation in 1784. Joseph Brant was ceded land six miles on either side of the Grand River from Lake Erie to what is now Dundalk (almost Owen Sound). This was somewhere is the neighborhood of 950,000 acres.

Lt. Governor John Simcoe downgraded this to 275,000 acres in 1795. Most of the rest of the land was either taken by the crown or sold back to the crown in 1848. I say either because one native leader says "Taken" while another is quoted as saying that the Indians weren't "properly compensated" which leads to believe a deal was struck. If that's the case, then at the time it must have seemed like a good enough deal.

In 1924 due mostly to the federal government, the concept of Band Councils came to fruition. I'm not completely up to date on the history of the band council, but as of today, they are elected positions. Not appointed by the government.

In 1987 the Plank Road Tract (which is now Hgwy 6 South) was registered as a land claim, and the specific area in question in Caledonia was registered in 1995 as a land claim. It is my understanding that there exists land claims filed in Ottawa to the tune of some 400 Billion dollars worth.

Before Henco broke ground they had to get approval to do so. Part of this process is notification of the elected band council. I have not seen the paperwork involved but I think it's fair to assume that approvals were given to start the project.

Now that Henco has put in more than 6 million dollars into the project, the natives protest and everyone starts thinking about Oka and Ipperwash. So that's the history. Or a good chunk of it anyway.

It's my understanding that the native leadership is divided. There is the elected Band Council, the hereditary Chiefs and Clan Mothers (who I understand have more of an advisory role). Most natives recognize the elected council and/or the chiefs depending on the situation. It is also my understanding the government deals almost exclusively with the Band Council. It doesn't seem like the natives can decide who their actual leaders are. If some want to follow the council, and some want to follow the chiefs, why not elect the chiefs to the council? Wouldn't that make sense? It is an elected body. Speaking of elections, why aren't there more (or any) natives in parliament? Interesting question I think.

Everybody who can read or listen to the news knows the natives are unhappy. Do they have a right to be? I don't know. I don't know how they were treated in the 18th, 19th and early 20th century because I wasn't there. The native account seems to frequently differ from what is called the "official" record.

The natives have said they want to deal with the Queen, the Governor General, or the Attorney General on a "nation to nation basis". If they truly wanted that, they would have looked at any fifth grade textbook to see who actually governs the nation.

What they are doing is this: one side is using the laws to try and gain what they believe they have lost while the other side is flagrantly breaking those very laws; and for the latter, it's going to be to no good end. I'm no lawyer but I'm not a fool. The kind of claims they're talking about don't get settled in a day, a month, or even a year. Sometimes they take decades. It may be slow, but hopefully it will be at the least thoroughly done.

If the natives stay where they are this won't end well for them. Either the police will enforce the law (which is my vote) or the public will lose interest. If the public doesn't care, neither will the government.

To conclude I will say that I'm more informed than many would think and I know that I don't know enough. Right now I do not in any way support these protesters. They are criminals and they should be locked up. Those leaders who have filed claims and are trying to do it the right way, they should absolutely be heard and given every chance to prove what they say. I support their efforts completely.

There are many implications of what is going on in Caledonia; anyone can see that. But in my heart of heart I believe that this protest is wrong. They made their point, they got their free press, no further good will come of their lawlessness.

There can always be a "Nuff said", but there should never be a "Nuff listen".

Who's circling the wagons now?

Today I going to express my opinion about an ongoing "hot" topic that's been in the news everyday lately. Before I begin I want to state emphatically that this is my opinion only, please bear that in mind.

I am sick and bloody tired of the damn natives. Not all mind you, just the ones that like to protest "peacefully". Their behavior is akin to sitting "peacefully" beside a really big dog while holding a steak in one hand and poking the dog with a sharp stick. The end result is no matter what you say, you're gonna get bitten.

Before the developer broke ground he would have had to file a substantial amount of paper work with local officials. Was there a protest then? No.

When construction begins one doesn't help but notice all the heavy equipment re-shaping the landscape. Was there a protest then? No.

The protest starts when the developer has put millions into the project (far too much to reasonably pull out) and who really gets hurt here? Mostly the developer. Now that there is a definitive court order for the protesters to vacate, they are coming out of the woodwork. One man from a reservation in Cornwall has even stated (note the quotes) "Sometimes I hope it doesn't end violently, sometimes I hope it does...At least it would be finished and we could show we are ready to do what we have to do,".

And what is that? Hold the developer and the provincial government up for extorted blackmail. If they kick up enough stink, they hope government will throw some money at them.

What is the issue here? The natives are stating that the land was given to Joseph Brant almost a couple of CENTURIES ago. Is he still alive? Does he want the land back? Are there any of his ACTUAL descendants that are making this claim? No, no, and no. But once the land starts to look inhabitable, the natives get restless. They draw a literal line in the sand and publicly state that they won't be responsible for anyone who crosses it.

So now there is a definitive order from a court of law saying if you don't get off the land, you will be arrested and forcibly removed. So why hasn't the OPP done this? If it had been Muslims, Chinese, Spanish, or a group of circus clowns doing the protest the OPP would have evicted them on day one. Maybe they are still smarting from Ipperwash; that's only my guess.

So what does it all boil down to? They are breaking the law, and flaunting it; and the most tragic thing about this is they are getting away with it. Can I do that? Can I go to the store down the street, grab a new TV, walk out and dare the police to arrest me? Sure I can and you know what would happen? I'd get arrested. Natives aren't special. They really aren't. If they think they are getting the rotten end of things they should try walking down Main St. Beijing holding the King James Bible. Those protesters have real guts and a real cause.

For those of you who think I am wrong, and you're out there, I know you are; before you start to jump all over what I am saying do something for me first. Take a drive to any reservation you want. Pick five of them if you like, or even more than five and drive through them. Show me one, ONE reservation where they have either developed the land enough so they and their families can live in comfort AND/OR where they living with nature according to their vaunted native traditions. I think you will be hard pressed indeed and I believe ultimately unsuccessful.

So here is my solution. Get a large force of police (no firearms), outnumber them and arrest them. In accordance to the law they are breaking and flaunting. Let them commune with nature in a 5x9 cell.

To my mind, there is no such thing as a native Canadian, a French Canadian, an English Canadian or an anything else Canadian. We are all Canadian. Period. We are free citizens in a lawful society where the best and brightest know there are better ways to get your point across.

'Nuff said.

What the Chuck?

If you are close to my age or older, you would remember the martial arts movie craze of the 80's. I have vivid memories of watching "Revenge of the Ninja" at my Dad's apartment on Main St. One of the principal actors in several of these action flicks was Chuck Norris. In addition to which he is (in)famous for the Missing in Action series, as well as the Delta Force series.

I mention this becauseI read a full page article in the spec today and I openly laughed several times. This article listed a number of things written about Chuck Norris on the internet and by and large they are all crap. But it's funny crap. Below are some of the highlights.

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
• When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the earth down.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
• Chuck Norris is suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
• Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
• Chuck Norris has two speeds, walk and kill.
• Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life....unless it gets in his way.
• There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.
• They once tried to carve Chuck Norris's face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
• In the beginning, there was nothing...and then Chuck Norris round-house-kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job." That is the story of the universe.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
• When Chuck Norris aired in France, the French surrendered to him just to be on the safe side.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

That's it for now (with apologies to Doug Foley). Life's too short not to be laughing.

Smile, or Chuck Norris will find you.

My bad.

I was reading Abby's blog and I was going to leave a comment and as so often happens with me my "comment" seemed to drag itself into a blog. So for the record, this started as a comment to something Abby had said.

Anyone with pets will tell you that with an animal, you always know where you stand. Whether it's one animal to another animal, or animal to human (which is also an animal, I know); there is never any doubt about what that animal thinks of you. Dogs will cuddle up, or growl. Birds will sit on your shoulder, or fly away. Cats will ignore you, well they ignore you regardless but if they don't like you they pee on your things.

Humans on the other hand are not that simple. Far too often we don't tell people what we really think of them. Why is this I wonder. Is it because we are afraid to open up to some and therefore risk exposing ourselves to emotional risk? Are we sometimes to afraid of what other people think of us to tell them what we really think? Maybe it's just a twisted sense of politeness.

Now that's an interesting thought. Is it more rude to tell someone "I don't overly like you, but I can still be civil and polite to you" or to make them think that you like them? Are we trying to spare their feelings or are we trying to avoid the confrontation.

With Jaci for example. She is the light of my life and the beat of my heart. I make a point to tell her likely at least a dozen times a day that I love and I thank God that He has put her into my life. I'm pretty sure I got the better end of THAT deal! But what about with others.

As for Abby. I will say that I don't know her as well as I would like. I will also say that from what I do know I like her very much. She has a refreshing sense of honesty and doesn't shy away from topics from her own life that that many would find hard to talk about. Based on what I have read, she is far and away one of the most courageous people I know. She has made numerous overtures to join conversations and leave comments on blogs. So to my way of thinking, if she feels excluded, than I am not meeting her half-way. I am not making the same overtures and I do feel bad.

So after all that. I think that with my personality, if i didn't like someone, they'd know it pretty quick. I try not to hide that. It will not however preclude civility and politeness. I was raised to be courteous and I do make every effort.

So to conclude. Abby, I'm sorry I haven't spoken with you as much as I should have but I will endeavor to correct that oversight.

'Nuff said.