What the Chuck?

If you are close to my age or older, you would remember the martial arts movie craze of the 80's. I have vivid memories of watching "Revenge of the Ninja" at my Dad's apartment on Main St. One of the principal actors in several of these action flicks was Chuck Norris. In addition to which he is (in)famous for the Missing in Action series, as well as the Delta Force series.

I mention this becauseI read a full page article in the spec today and I openly laughed several times. This article listed a number of things written about Chuck Norris on the internet and by and large they are all crap. But it's funny crap. Below are some of the highlights.

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
• When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the earth down.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
• Chuck Norris is suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
• Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
• Chuck Norris has two speeds, walk and kill.
• Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life....unless it gets in his way.
• There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.
• They once tried to carve Chuck Norris's face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
• In the beginning, there was nothing...and then Chuck Norris round-house-kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job." That is the story of the universe.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
• When Chuck Norris aired in France, the French surrendered to him just to be on the safe side.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

That's it for now (with apologies to Doug Foley). Life's too short not to be laughing.

Smile, or Chuck Norris will find you.